Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in vanessa's LiveJournal:

Saturday, May 19th, 2001
8:34 pm	the hollow men by T. S. Eliot We are the hollow men We are the stuffed men Leaning together Headpiece filled with straw. Alas! Our dried voices, when We whisper together Are quiet and meaningless As wind in dry grass Or rat's feet over broken glass In our dry cellar Shape without form, shade without colour, Paralysed force, gesture without motion; Those who have crossed With direct eyes, to death's other Kingdom Remember us--if at all--not as lost Violent souls, but only As the hollow men The stuffed men. II Eyes I dare not meet in dreams In death's dream kingdom These do not appear: There, the eyes are Sunlight on a broken column There, is a tree swinging And voices are In the wind's singing More distant and more solemn Than a fading star. Let me be no nearer In death's dream kingdom Let me also wear Such deliberate disguises Rat's coat, crowskin, crossed staves In a field Behaving as the wind behaves No nearer-- Not that final meeting In the twilight kingdom III This is the dead land This is the cactus land Here the stone images Are raised, here they recieve The supplication of a dead man's hand Under the twinkle of a fading star. Is it like this In death's other kingdom Waking alone At the hour when we are Trembling with tenderness Lips that would kiss Form prayers to broken stone. IV The eyes are not here There are no eyes here In this valley of dying stars In this hollow valley This broken jaw of our lost kingdoms In this last of meeting places We grope together And avoid speech Gathered on this beach of the tumid river Sightless, unless The eyes reappear As the perpetual star Multifoliate rose Of death's twilight kingdom The hope only Of empty men. V Here we go 'round the prickly pear Prickly pear prickly pear Here we go 'round the prickly pear At five o'clock in the morning. Between the idea And the reality Between the motion And the act Falls the Shadow For Thine is the Kingdom Between the conception And the creation Between the emotion And the response Falls the Shadow Life is very long Between the desire And the spasm Between the potency And the existence Between the essence And the descent Falls the Shadow For Thine is the Kingdom For Thine is Life is For Thine is the This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends This is the way the world ends Not with a bang but a whimper. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 13th, 2001
12:53 pm	dry spell i feel myself getting stale. no interesting dreams, no deep conversations, no spurts of inspiration to write. that does bring back one thing that happened to me the other day. i was sitting outside my favorite coffee shop waiting for a friend writing a poem out of boredom's sake when a girl on rollerblades sat down next to me. she was one of the types that would never talk to me unless thrown into a situation such as this: needing a place to sit. she asked what i was writing and then asked to read it. rarely do i let more than my sister and a couple of my online friends read my poetry so this was a rather awkward situation. i let her read it anyway, and she thought it was really good. i think she was just saying that. it wasn't anywhere near one of my alright poems. (Comment on this)
Friday, May 4th, 2001
1:09 am	reluctant hang-up i know it's not my turn, but i must say that i think this whole thing must be God's idea of a cruel joke - letting me see something that i have longed so dearly for, but placing it just out of my reach with a single impossible catch to keep me from being able to ever fully grasp hold of it. i cried after i hung-up. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 1st, 2001
2:18 am	once again i felt the morning break just like me i picked up my pieces as the day progressed and night fell and so did i (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 25th, 2001
12:31 am	driving in the rain i am convinced that the world is never more beautiful than it is at midnight. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 23rd, 2001
7:41 am	charmed you asked if earlier words were meant to be for you, and i was disappointed to tell you that they weren't. the following, however were, on the same night as the other poem. it may not be as well-written, but more of my heart is poured into this: ?speak to me in our language? i love your voice it is the closest i have come to you concealed thoughts revealed not in words but still i long to hear your tone imagining it to say the words i hope to hear first in person ?i love you? three words you gave meaning to for me in a way i cannot express so far away and i long to hear you speak you know, i think i hate your voice because it is the closest i have come to you (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 22nd, 2001
5:01 pm	love is suicide smashing pumpkins "bodies" cast the pearls aside, of a simple life of need come into my life forever the crumbled cities stand as known of the sights you have been shown of the hurt you call your own love is suicide the empty bodies stand at rest casualties of their own flesh afflicted by their dispossession but no bodies ever knew nobodys no bodies felt like you nobodys love is suicide now we drive the night, to the ironies of peace you can't help deny forever the tragedies reside in you the secret sights hide in you the lonely nights divide you in two all my blisters now revealed in the darkness of my dreams in the spaces in between us but no bodies ever knew nobodys no bodies felt like you nobodys love is suicide (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 21st, 2001
11:26 am	very strange indeed i woke up to the phone ringing this morning, and managed to remember what i was dreaming about at that time very vividly. i was in an unfamiliar house with my sister and a former friend (whom i had been close to for 5 years) and we were all on computers. i said something that was meant to be funny to allison, the ex-friend, and she laughed but sent me a message on my computer that read, "cut the adore and cleo and maelantia shit." i have no idea what this was supposed to mean, but seemed to understand it in the dream. i looked out the window and saw another former friend, charlie, standing under a grove of trees wearing his grey sweatshirt jacket, misfits shirt, and camoflague pants. he was talking and laughing with some girl whose back was turned to me. that was the point that i woke up. (Comment on this)
12:22 am	freedom have you ever become a slave to the quest for your own independence? (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 19th, 2001
10:36 am	monochrome delight inspired by a dream i had two nights ago: ?monochrome delight? simplicity focuses all the attention on the luminescent beauty the gathering of all heaven?s stars to become the petals of a single rose cautious steps take me along the cobblestone path to be surrounded by more galaxies of rose upon rose reflecting in transparency (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 18th, 2001
9:17 pm	insomnia the only thing that can get me to sleep anymore is with the hope that i just might dream about you (Comment on this)
12:37 am	toward the within i finally decided what i will do with this journal. rather have it be redundant of my other diary, i will use this to post links, song lyrics, quotes, short thoughts, dreams, or anything else of interest i come across. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 16th, 2001
11:08 am	morning has come i have a journal at diaryland, but i decided to give this a try. that's all for now. (3 Comments |Comment on this)